My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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