My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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