Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
