Screwed.edu
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
