dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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