Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Let's paint friendship bongs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
