I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
