I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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