Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
