I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
