she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
