yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
