i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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