I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
