Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
