Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
