she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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