MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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