I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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