Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
