I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
