I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
