Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
