He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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