i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
