You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
