Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
