small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
