How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
