It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
