I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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