I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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