We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
