Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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