were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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