I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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