Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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