i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
