I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A bitchslap is in order.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
