I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
