my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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