i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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