Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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