I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
did i just pee glitter
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
