Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
