Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
