Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
