In the future we'll all be gay
i don't like sucking hair
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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