i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
