it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
