evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
