I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
