So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
where are my eyebrows?
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