i think my mom watched the whole time
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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